Erica 0:41

Uh, major league baseball player, young forbid, and love and loss and grief today on the show. welcome to the life free of anxiety podcast, where each week we'll bring you another discussion to help you on your way to overcoming your fears. I'm Erica and together with dr. Charles Barr, a licensed clinical psychologist, specializing in anxiety. We'll be your guides on this journey to find a list of helpful free resources we offer head to lifefreeofanxiety.com Because you are not broken, you are not alone. And you are on your way to living a life free of anxiety. Hi there as always Erica with you. So, okay. A couple of moving parts here. Our special guest today is a friend of mine. Her name is Gina PEs story. She was married to somebody I used to work with named Frank pest story. Frank was one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Um, he was really smart. He had a radio show and this was when I worked in radio. Um, in Los Angeles radio, he had a DriveTime show where he discussed politics, religion, um, all kinds of things, just theological issues. Um, but he always did it from a really cool former major league baseball player way. He was not. And over the top super cheesy religious fanatic. That's not what we're talking about here. Um, he was pretty hard to put into words unless you met him, but he was just the most uplifting, always positive person, just a joy to work with. Always. And I worked with him for maybe. Four or five years, I think it was before he passed away. Um, but he was a baseball player for the Cincinnati reds. Um, he was there from 1979 through 85 and then a pitcher for the Minnesota twins in 1986. And we've got some audio. I saw Frank the last day of his life, as we would know it because he spent the next month in a coma. What ended up happening is the next day I came into work and we were, I was notified that Frank was in a motorcycle accident. He was in a coma. He, um, actually got into the accident while driving home. But before that happened, we found this audio, um, that same day, right before he got on the freeway. So I'm going to play that audio for you. Here we go.

Frank Pastore 3:06

Is there life after death? It's the same question. I mean, look, you guys know I ride a motorcycle, right? So at any moment, Uh, especially with the idiot people who crossed the diamond lane into my lane. All right. Without any blinkers, not that I'm angry about it, but, uh, at any minute I could be spread all over the two 10, but that's not me. That's my body parts. And that key distinction undergirds the entire Judeo-Christian worldview and also your pursuit of reality.

Erica 3:35

Pretty crazy. Right? That was the day of the accident. And what he said there is what took place. That is what happened with the accident. A lot of local people covered this story. They couldn't believe, I mean, this made the news that he had said this on the radio. Right before, you know, he would have this motorcycle accident and in that same way. So anyways, I want to get to Frank and Gina's love story. Now. I'm Eric had joined today by my very special friend, Gina Pastori Gina, you've handled being part of a club that nobody wants to be in better than anybody. I know. Could I just, I just wanted to say that starting out. I I'm so proud of you too. Uh, major league baseball player, young forbid, and love and loss and grief today on the show. Okay. Hi there as always Erica with you. So, okay. A couple of moving parts here. Our special guest today is a friend of mine. Her name is Gina PEs story. She was married to somebody I used to work with named Frank pest story. Frank was one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Um, he was really smart. He had a radio show and this was when I worked in radio. Um, in Los Angeles radio, he had a DriveTime show where he discussed politics, religion, um, all kinds of things, just theological issues. Um, but he always did it from a really cool former major league baseball player way. He was not. And over the top super cheesy religious fanatic. That's not what we're talking about here. Um, he was pretty hard to put into words unless you met him, but he was just the most uplifting, always positive person, just a joy to work with. Always. And I worked with him for maybe. Four or five years, I think it was before he passed away. Um, but he was a baseball player for the Cincinnati reds. Um, he was there from 1979 through 85 and then a pitcher for the Minnesota twins in 1986. And we've got some audio. I saw Frank the last day of his life, as we would know it because he spent the next month in a coma. What ended up happening is the next day I came into work and we were, I was notified that Frank was in a motorcycle accident. He was in a coma. He, um, actually got into the accident while driving home. But before that happened, we found this audio, um, that same day, right before he got on the freeway. So I'm going to play that audio for you. Here we go.

Frank Pastore 6:12

Is there life after death? It's the same question. I mean, look, you guys know I ride a motorcycle, right? So at any moment, Uh, especially with the idiot people who crossed the diamond lane into my lane. All right. Without any blinkers, not that I'm angry about it, but, uh, at any minute I could be spread all over the two 10, but that's not me. That's my body parts. And that key distinction undergirds the entire Judeo-Christian worldview and also your pursuit of reality.

Erica 6:42

Pretty crazy. Right? That was the day of the accident. And what he said there is what took place. That is what happened with the accident. A lot of local people covered this story. They couldn't believe, I mean, this made the news that he had said this on the radio. Right before, you know, he would have this motorcycle accident and in that same way. So anyways, I want to get to Frank and Gina's love story. Now. That's kind of what loss is, right? It's not about death. It's about what was, and so I want you to hear her perspective in case you are going through losing a loved one. We know with the holidays, this is the worst time to be without your loved one. So this was a pretty long intro, but it kind of needed it and let's get to the show. I never do get tired of hearing that love story. Remember, you can read more about Frank's baseball career and life in his book shattered by Frank Pastori. You can read Gina's book, picking up my shattered pieces. That's by Gina story, and both are excellent books, both different in their own ways, because they're told from different perspectives. But yeah, we will be back with you next week with part two. Um, I know I left you on pins and needles. It's what happens, but we're going to get into what Gina's life was like without Frank, her whole world and how she has been able to kind of just, I guess, pick up her shattered pieces is a good way to say it. Um, so I will be back with you and Gina, we'll be back with you for next week. Oh, and remember, you can always email me anytime@ericaatlifefreeofanxiety.com. I've had a couple of people ask me this week, how to get the change program. Just go to change with two A's dot com. change.com. And also you can email me if you have any questions. All right. Talk to you next week. I don't know if I've ever told you that, but I'm going to have it in a broadcast format. I think for when all this took place in the beginning, it was hard to imagine Gina without Frank, because we knew Frank and we knew you guys is kind of like one, I, that's how I felt anyway, when I worked with Frank and I you'd come in and. You guys just very much had your life set together. And, um, but to see what you were able to do independently has I think been very surprising and shocking to everyone. Not that anyone thought you weren't capable, but you know what I mean?

Gina Pastore 9:16

Well, no, one's more surprised than I am, because as you said, Gina and Frank were a team and. We honestly kind of didn't know where one of us started and one of us began. We just, we married young and we really grew together. We were married almost 35 years when Frank was killed. So I literally thought when his life ended in a sense, I really thought my life, as I knew it was over. And it, it was. It really was over. So I, in a sense had to figure things out and kind of reinvent my life. And that was a really scary time. And you were working at the station with Frank during all that. So you remember that very well.

Erica 10:01

Yeah, it was, it was just so strange because we all loved Frank so much and he was so he would just was the biggest force.

Gina Pastore 10:10

Yeah.

Erica 10:10

at the station, he had the biggest presence. He was so loved. He was so happy. He was so consistent with how happy he was. He was so friendly. It was always that way. And then one day I'm getting coffee and somebody says, did you hear about Frank? And I'm like, what, what about Frank? Oh, I'm sorry. You don't know. He's been in a motorcycle accident and it was just. It was so shocking to us that we could, we're all thinking how sh how much more shocking and hard this was for you and for your kids. And,

Gina Pastore 10:43

Yeah,

Erica 10:43

yeah, I mean, I still, that time is imprinted in my mind. So strongly I dealt with grief that holiday season, without Frank, it was really sad for me. It was sad for all of us, you know, used to seeing him every day. But tell me about your story a little bit. Frank was a, well, you met him when you were, how old were you when you met him? Third where you 12.

Gina Pastore 11:05

I actually met Frank when I was 11 and, um, I was not romantically inclined or hormonal yet at 11. And this bigger than life force walked in. He was 15, all of 15 years old. And he saw me sitting on my couch with a TV tray doing a book report. And he was, uh, friends with my older brother, Johnny. They both attended all boys Catholic high school together. And Frank was the star pitcher and my brother was the star catcher and they had become friends. So he came walking in the house. And he didn't realize that Johnny had a little sister. So he was like, Johnny, you have a little sister. I can know that. And she's beautiful. So he sort of swept me off my feet at 11. And honestly though, it wasn't a romantic thing. I just remember thinking who is this person? And I felt like a forced. Just washed through our house. And so the years went on and when I was turning 15, he, uh, he now had signed with the Cincinnati reds. He was in the minor leagues. He had come back for the off season and saw me walking home one day from the school bus. I went to an all-girls Catholic high school at this time. And he went right to my dad and asked if he could take me out on my first date. And I was only 15. I was turning 15. So my dad had always said, I could not date until 16, but because he knew Frank liked him and trusted him, he said, okay, you can take her out on her first date. And my parents thought, Oh, that's really cute. You know, this family friend is taking Gina out, but what. None of us, even me, what none of us realize is that Frank and I would fall in love on that first date. And we did

Erica 13:02

like the craziest story ever.

Gina Pastore 13:05

it is, and it's all documented in my book picking up my shatter pieces. Um,

Erica 13:11

book too. It's

Gina Pastore 13:12

and Frank's book shattered. Yes. Yes.

Erica 13:15

So keep going. What happened? You fell in love first date.

Gina Pastore 13:18

So we, um, you know, he leaves to play baseball after the, the, um, off season, when we first date, he goes away and I'm kind of hoping, I know he's too old for me. I'm 15, he's 19. That's kind of scandalous, you know, and I'm kinda hoping that I'll just forget about him and go on with my life. But I really couldn't. He just, he was, he had taken captive of my heart already. So, uh, but I did my best to go on with high school and try out for cheerleading. And, you know, I liked a few little high school boys, but they, you know, Compared to what I experienced with my date with Frank, it was like, Oh no, I'm in trouble. I'm in big trouble. So he's off playing baseball kind of later. I find out doing the same thing, trying to shake it, you know, the fillings for me. Cause he's like, she's too young. This is ridiculous. I I'm in baseball. I can't be dating a girl in high school, you know? So he comes back the next off season. Now I'm turning 16. He asked me out again, my parents say yes, and now we start dating and we want to be with each other all the time and we're falling in love. And. And so, as you can imagine, that's wreaking havoc with my home life. And my, you know, I'm not, I'm not really into high school. I'm doing my studies and all that. I was a good student, but I wasn't wanting to go to the dances with the other girls and all that. And so my. Parents. Um, there's just becomes a lot of turbulence in our home. A lot of fighting. Um, my mom and I start fighting. My dad is fighting with my mom. My mom's mad that my dad let me even go. And so a big Italian family, lots of yelling and fighting. And so Frank and I get together and devise a plan. Erica, we do what any normal 16 and 20 year old would. We plan to elope. So anyways, uh, we decided that we're going to elope. We want to be together. I can't take the fighting at home anymore. So the following year, Frank picks me up. It's the first day of my junior year of high school. I have a November birthday, so I was older than the other students. And, um, he picks me up and we had our plan in place that we would get married and we, um, he picks me up. We go to the license Bureau in, in our hometown. And he had taken my birth certificate and forged it to say that I was 18. So, and I'm yes. And I'm 16, two months shy of 17. So anyways we go, and all you needed at the time was your birth certificate. You needed a. With birth certificate or a baptismal record anyway. So we forged that and. We get the certificate. And then we head out to somewhere in Riverside County where there's a judge waiting to marry us and the sweet people at the, um, marriage license Bureau had set the judge up for us. They call, they thought we were such a sweet young couple and they were trying to help us out. Well, we were so nervous, Erica. We scuttled outta there, jumped in the car. We forgot. The change Frank had given the gala 20, the marriage license was$11. So we had left for change. And at that time that was probably a more significant amount of change. So she decided very kind of her to do. She decided that she would look in the phone book for my maiden name. There's only one pig naughty in the phone book. She calls my house. My dad answers it's about nine o'clock, you know, on a Tuesday morning. And. She says, hi, your daughter was just in to get her license. So my dad said, Gina has her driver's license. And she says, no, this was their marriage license. So my dad says, well, what you know? So they put out a report on a missing car. They can't report me missing yet because I have to be missing for 24 hours. So now the police are after us. Right. And we're headed out to Riverside County to get married. So we get to the judges location. Okay. And he's waiting for us and he's very happy. It's a beautiful summer day going to be very hot in September, but he says, let's go under this pretty Oak tree and I'll marry you. So he's beginning the whole, you know, He is, he's going to do a little surf service for us, you know, and he, all of a sudden his secretary runs out and tells him that she needs to speak to him and he gets kind of ruffled and said, you know, he says, can this wait? And she said, no, judge. It can't wait. So right then Frank and I knew. That he knew that, that she knew what was going on. So we began to cry. The judge goes over and talks to the secretary. He comes back and he says, I know what you guys are doing. So, but he says, you know, you, you both have gone to great measure to get married. And I don't know the backstory, but I want you to come in my office. And we're going to sit down and we're going to talk about this. He was a very, you know, in hindsight, a very nice wise man. He was young, probably in his late, late thirties. So we go in his office, we began to talk and he said, Gina, I'm going to have your parents come out here. And we're going to sit down and talk because after all you've gone through, I really believe you two want to be together. We're going to work something out. So I'm thinking, Oh no, you don't know my family. Not going to happen. So he calls my dad and my dad starts yelling right away to, for him to arrest Frank. And he says, Mr. Penn Yachty, please settle down. You have a lovely daughter. Frank is a professional athlete. They seem like good kids. There must be something we can do to work this out. I want you to come out here. Well, my dad is very upset and yelling. And the judge decides that he can not send me home with this going on. So he said, we're going to get a social worker out here and we're going to get this. We're going to get this work out. So he hangs up the phone. My dad actually hangs up on him and he looks at his watch and says, Oh, darn I have a meeting I have to go to, it'll be an hour and I will be right back and you to stay right here. So the judge leaves. And Frank and I were sitting in this room. There was, I remember there was a clock ticking on the wall and that's the only sound we could hear other than our heartbeats that were pounding. And Frank and I looked at each other and honestly, we don't remember which one of us said, let's go, but. We don't remember. It could have been both of us.

Erica 20:28

I feel like it

Gina Pastore 20:28

jumped in the car and we headed to Los Angeles airport and we got on a plane and we flew to Alabama.

Erica 20:39

like every newlywed couple, right.

Gina Pastore 20:42

We fled. And that started our, uh, trajectory towards trying to get married. We landed in Alabama because that was where Frank's parents had now located. And Frank had ended his baseball season in Nashville. Yeah, he played for the Nashville sounds and AA. He still had all his belongings, his car and his last paycheck, which we needed. And so now we were going to face the music because by now my dad has called the Cincinnati reds and alerted them that their star pitcher ran off with his 16 year old daughter. Now they're looking for Frank. Frank's like, okay, my whole career is done. They're not, they're gonna. Release me, you know, I've made a scandal. Yeah. And, um, very interesting though. That is not what happened. We get to Nashville after we land in Alabama, the next day we drive to Nashville so he can get, you know, his belongings and everything. And he goes to the ball club to get his last paycheck. He walks in and the owner of the ball club or the. The CEO, um, Larry Schmidt is there and he says, Frank, you're here. Where's the girl they're looking for you both. And Franco's just relaxed. She's right there in the car. I just need my last paycheck. I know you guys are gonna release me and Larry's like, Frank, we got to figure out a way to work. So we get our last paycheck. We get our belongings. He said the girl's father is very upset. He's called the reds. Everybody's looking for you, you know, so to make a long story short, Frank and I ended up getting married in Nashville. And at that time, a 16 year old girl could get married, uh, with permission. And so my parents had just decided, okay, my dad's like, if this is what you want, we're gonna, we're going to get, you know, go with it because you've already done this. And, you know, they realized she's going to be 17. How can we bring her back home after all this? You know? So we get my dad's blessing. And now it's time to face the music with the Cincinnati reds. We go down to what's called winter ball and Florida and, um, instructional league. And Frank's like, Gina, really? You know, I'm going to get released, but you know, his backup plan, he always wanted to go to law school per guy. Never did. He ended up. Getting all kinds of degrees, but, um, God led them in a different direction, but he really wanted to go to law school. So I was like, that's fine, whatever. I'll get a job. We'll make it we're together. You know? So we go to instructional league, the reds, check us out and. Interestingly, um, everybody likes me and they decide that we're going to give it a shot. So Frank does very well in instructional league. The following spring training, he's on the 40 man roster with the Cincinnati reds. Um, which means that. Spring training breaks with all 40 men. And then of course, during the course of spring training, they whittle it down to that 25 man roster. Well, a week before, um, spring training would end, Frank is still with the big team. He's still with the big leagues. He's pitching outstanding striking people out left and right. All star catcher, Johnny bench is catching them. He goes to the manager, John McNamara, and says this kid's ready for the show. And. They decide they're going to take Frank to the big leagues. So at 21 and 17 were, were shot more shocked than anybody we are now in the big leagues.

Erica 24:45

that's crazy.

Gina Pastore 24:46

So he went from thinking, he created a scandal. His career was over too. We are in the big leagues and he basically became a starter with the reds and was, uh, for a couple of years, one of the best pitchers in all of major league baseball, Erica.

Erica 25:02

I didn't realize, I don't know if I realized quite that. and then if you want to hear a lot of, if you're a big baseball person, definitely read Frank's book shattered because. You hear? So there's so much baseball in that book. And, um, you also hear when his career ended and how that changed the course of his life. And of course, the course of your life, um, But it, it, it's funny to think of all this scandal, because I I'm wondering if somebody listening right now is thinking, wow, Gina was probably kind of, she's probably kind of like extroverted and wild and goes with the flow. And it's so funny. Cause you're really not. You're like

Gina Pastore 25:42

No, I'm an introvert. I'm a social introvert. I love people. I have lots of friends. I'm very close. I love my relationships, but I'm very introverted. Um, of course I was intimidated. We're in the big leagues with we're on the tail end of what was called the big red machine. They had one, um, two or three pennants. They were, you know, I don't know how many hall of Famers were on that team. Pete Rose, Johnny bench, Tom Seaver, George Foster, Ken Griffey, um, and Ken Griffey senior, by the way. I remember Ken Griffey Jr. When he was just a little boy. Um, but yeah, so I'm intimidated. I'm 17 years old and we're in this different world and I'm just, you know, a girl that. Stayed in her hometown, went to an all girls Catholic high school. And you know, you would've never expected me to do something like this.

Erica 26:35

It's still, it was, it was so fun to read because I could imagine kind of Frank, you know, in all like it, all of that, but it was, it was funny to imagine you. Um, like that, doing all that sneaking

Gina Pastore 26:48

you can kind of see living a little wild and crazy, right.

Erica 26:51

because yeah, like I said, Frank was just, he is such a big personality, but one thing we knew about you guys for sure was you guys loved each other so much. That was so obvious.

Gina Pastore 27:02

yes. And towards the end of Frank's baseball career, he had something interesting happen. He wanted to live a clean life and, you know, he was an athlete. He took care of himself. He was disciplined, but he wasn't what you would call a Jesus freak. You know, at all. In fact, he was a skeptic. He thought that. Some of these, what he would call Bible thumpers or Jesus freaks were kind of believing in something that was kind of false because while he was at a cath, all boys Catholic high school, he asked a lot of questions. My husband was very intelligent, man, and he couldn't get the answers. So it was kind of like, well, just have faith and that wasn't cutting it for him. So he's hanging out with a lot of the. Christian baseball players, because quite frankly, I'd put my foot down. I saw what was going on on road trips. And I'm like, these are the guys I want you to hang out with. And I really didn't even know they were Christian. I mean, I may have heard that, but I just knew they were good guys. They were family men. So I sort of demanded that he hang out with some of these guys. And little, um, unbeknownst to me, they were what was called witnessing to him, which means they're telling him about why they're Christians and they're trying to get him to become a Christian.

Erica 28:18

Now. That's kind of what loss is, right? It's not about death. It's about what was, and so I want you to hear her perspective in case you are going through losing a loved one. We know with the holidays, this is the worst time to be without your loved one. So this was a pretty long intro, but it kind of needed it and let's get to the show. I never do get tired of hearing that love story. Remember, you can read more about Frank's baseball career and life in his book shattered by Frank Pastori. You can read Gina's book, picking up my shattered pieces. That's by Gina story, and both are excellent books, both different in their own ways, because they're told from different perspectives. But yeah, we will be back with you next week with part two. Um, I know I left you on pins and needles. It's what happens, but we're going to get into what Gina's life was like without Frank, her whole world and how she has been able to kind of just, I guess, pick up her shattered pieces is a good way to say it. Um, so I will be back with you and Gina, we'll be back with you for next week. Oh, and remember, you can always email me anytime@ericaatlifefreeofanxiety.com. I've had a couple of people ask me this week, how to get the change program. Just go to change with two A's dot com. change.com. And also you can email me if you have any questions. All right. Talk to you next week. Thanks so much for tuning in today. I hope that something in today's conversation provided you with a feeling of hope, determination, or purpose. I know what you're going through, and that's why I want to give you some of the tools that helped me in my anxiety journey to get a free copy of free from fears head to freefromfearsbook.com to find out more about the CHAANGE anxiety treatment program. Find us at CHAANGE.com Thanks again for listening. And remember you are not broken You are not alone and you are on your way to living a life free of anxiety. See you next week.