Erica 0:41

Life free of anxiety podcast. I am back with you and I is Erica. Thanks for being here. Little update. I did clean out my closet. I'm getting all into Marie condo. I think it was the beginning of lockdown where I announced that I was going to redo my closet and I didn't, I didn't for a very long time. Cause that was probably March when I said that on here. And none of you probably even know what I'm talking about, but for the one person who remembers that. If there's one person I did clean out my closet and I'm hoping my closet will soon spark joy. Um, not really as creative and good at using containers as all those great people on the show like Marie Kondo show, um, I'm learning. So I'm just wanting to give an update and just want to let you know, this episode is about distance learning. It's a part two episode. Hopefully you heard part one last week. It was a really good one. We've got dr. BARR and Danielle, a fifth grade teacher back with us to discuss the stress that comes with teachers and online learning. And if you're a parent, you want to hear this too, because it's a really good teacher's perspective given from Danielle and also some great sound advice from dr. BARR that kind of goes hand in hand with all of this distance learning stress. So let's get to it. welcome to the life free of anxiety podcast, where each week we'll bring you another discussion to help you on your way to overcoming your fears. I'm Erica and together with dr. Charles Barr, a licensed clinical psychologist, specializing in anxiety. We'll be your guides on this journey to find a list of helpful free resources we offer head to lifefreeofanxiety.com Because you are not broken, you are not alone. And you are on your way to living a life free of anxiety. well, let's get to those common questions from teachers. so how do teachers know if they're doing enough social, emotional learning with the kids, such as picture books, check-ins games. To give kids the mental breaks they need. And I think this is a great question because how could any kid just sit there all day without any of this fun stuff? That was part of what school was, you know, for me back in the day was like, you know, we were studying the gold rush And we'd pan for gold. Like that kind of stuff was so fun. It was still learning, but it was, you know, something fun.

Danielle Roth 3:01

right. That's, that's our struggle.

Dr. Charles Barr 3:06

I think that is a struggle. I don't know that that necessarily is the teacher's responsibility to see to it, that the social emotional learning is going as well as, as they could before. But, uh, that's where teachers may encourage the kids to be involved in board games or that kind of thing with other. Uh, either with adults or with their siblings or something so that they're getting some of that emotional and that social interaction going in a structured kind of way. And, might, might carry some of that, that social learning atmosphere where the teachers don't have to be involved.

Danielle Roth 3:50

I either read like this week we watched a Pixar short flick and talked about the characters. So it was like, A little bit of language arts, but like we watched the little movie, or like we play Spotify, never have I ever, or, you know, scavenger hunts in the house, but you know, a teacher will tell you, they never feel like they're doing enough. Yes. That's the good

Erica 4:10

teachers. Yeah.

Danielle Roth 4:12

And you're right. Like this, we feel like, I know like, am I doing enough to provide that outlet of social emotional? You know, I know I'm doing math and I know I'm doing language arts, but like, There is that piece, Erica, like you said, like the going outside and mining for gold or, you know, has a dance party and we can't do any of that. And so it's like, I want to make sure there's a balance since you know, between the learning and the intensity of that versus like the, am I hitting all parts of the child? Am I teaching to the whole child versus just the academia part of it, which is.

Erica 4:49

Right.

Dr. Charles Barr 4:50

And, and those are difficult opportunities to provide and distance learning.

Erica 4:55

It's like, you're doing well though. Danielle, with what you have.

Dr. Charles Barr 4:59

Okay, that sounds all fine.

Danielle Roth 5:02

Yeah,

Erica 5:03

we try as much as you can make little squares, talk to each other, whatever you

Danielle Roth 5:09

have learned when they all. Try to talk to each other. It hurts your ears a lot.

Erica 5:13

So yeah, everyone's talking

Danielle Roth 5:15

at once so much speak back. You're like, okay, just kidding everyone. Mutes.

Erica 5:21

I heard that. I heard that he is a very desirable subject right now. Kids want PE every single day because they want to move. Yeah,

Danielle Roth 5:30

that makes sense. Me.

Erica 5:32

Yeah. Any, I guess, any physical activity like dr. BARR was saying earlier, even if it's five minutes. I remember when we used to enter the classroom and all I wanted to do was sit cause I was just tired, you know, sometimes as a, as a kid and the teacher would say, let's get up and let's shake it out. Let's just move our bodies for, it would be like two, two minutes. I would always wake up after that. So definitely helps even though those breaks sounds insignificant. You don't have much time. I could see why that would help. And why that's a great tip is to get up.

Dr. Charles Barr 6:04

Yeah. And that, that kind of thing still, still might go on, you know, where the teacher could say, okay, you know, if you feel like you've kind of, everybody's just kind of sitting there sort of dead, you know, you can do the same kind of thing, you know? Okay. Everybody get up from wherever you are. Um, we're, we're going to do, uh, 25 jumping jacks, you know, and I want to see everybody doing them, you know, and turn your cameras on so I can see you. Cause if you give them a break and all they're going to do is go and play a video game. That's not,

Erica 6:37

yeah. That's more screen time.

Dr. Charles Barr 6:39

Yeah. Was like, no, no, no. You've got more screen time. You have to get up from your computer and go do something else.

Danielle Roth 6:45

Right. There's great videos on Instagram of teachers trying to get their kids to dance and the teachers are doing, Oh, that's fun. They're trying to get that. The engage in and physical fight, you know, gross motor movements with them. It's always the little kids, you know, they're, they're trying to, but I'm like, Oh gosh, bless you, man. I didn't even think to do PE my kids. I just say, go outside and do

Erica 7:07

something. And that's okay. It's a good point too, about just seeing online, getting ideas from other teachers. What are they doing that you didn't realize you could do on zoom

Dr. Charles Barr 7:18

or

Erica 7:18

creative and there's yeah, you can connect now that way online. Um, okay. Let's get to the second question. How can teachers manage dealing with angry parents? Ooh, that would scare me, who feel their child is either doing too much or too little in school or whatever concern they have for the week.

Dr. Charles Barr 7:39

Well, I guess that's, that's probably an occupational hazard for teachers, isn't it?

Erica 7:44

Yeah. Never going to avoid angry parents. There's at least one.

Danielle Roth 7:48

There's always a conflict. Yeah.

Dr. Charles Barr 7:52

I guess from my standpoint, I would say, the best way probably in dealing with an angry parent is to listen well, and, uh, really try to hear what it is that they are upset about. What is, what are they angry about? What are they asking you to do? And then try to restate that to them. It's sort of like, alright, mr. And mrs. So-and-so let me see if I understand what your concern is here and then state it back to them. Yeah, so that they feel like you really, I heard what their issue is and said, did I get that right? Is that what your issue is? And if they say yes, that is what it is. And now what are you going to do about it? And it's like, well, okay. I first wanted to know, I understood the problem. And then you can, you can answer what the problem is, or you can say, well, I'll have to, I'll have to think about that. Or I'll have to look into that. You know, Danielle, I don't know how you deal with that kind of issue. Do you have any insight into that as well?

Danielle Roth 9:02

Yeah. The one thing I learned in all my years of teaching is I always step back. Cause you know, I'm not a parent yet, but close, but, um,

Erica 9:12

I is eight months pregnant by the way. Yeah.

Danielle Roth 9:14

Oh yeah. Doing all this. Oh

Erica 9:17

yeah.

Danielle Roth 9:17

Fun times. I always try to tell myself, like the parent loves their child. Like that's I tell myself and I get the angry email or I get the angry voicemail to call them back. I'm like they love their child. They're con you know, they're confused about something. They're, they're protecting their baby. They're trying to make something clear for their baby. And so like, sometimes if I put that in my head, like the parent is reacting out of love and yes, it's sometimes directed towards me or something I said or something I did. Um, but if I like, look at it that way versus, Oh my gosh, this parent's being silly. And I looked got it as, okay. This parent really is trying to help their child and maybe their communication is horrible. Um, but yeah, that is, I try to do dr. Bar. Exactly what you said. I try to say like, Oh mrs. So, and so I'm hearing that you're upset with the way this situation was handled. Let's talk about how I handled it and I will tell you why I handled it this way. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it fuels their fire even more. And then I have to, you know, daintily step around and figure out what they really wanted me to do. Um, but yeah, I'm noticing what guests time. The parents are either mad. We're not giving them enough. Um, I had a friend that teaches in a different state and she had a parent lean in to their whole class meeting and scream at her while she was teaching kids. Oh,

Erica 10:40

goodness.

Danielle Roth 10:40

Something. Or she couldn't get something that's horrible teacher. My friend was just like, it was ridiculous. Like I'm trying to teach the kids. And like how we had talked about 10 minutes ago about technology. It was something she couldn't write and it's like, well, why are you guys doing this to us? Like, I wouldn't ever go into your place of business and scream at you. So it's like that kind of, it's like so much giving grace. And I keep telling the parents of my kids that like, just, I'm giving your kid, grace, you give me grace. Like, we're just trying to, you know, kind of figure all this out. But yeah, it's definitely a parent, the parent. Communication pieces or just trying the best we can we're, you know, as a teacher where, you know, we didn't really get a hundred percent trained on all of these platforms, so we're kind of muddling through it. That's right. Yeah.

Dr. Charles Barr 11:29

Yeah. And it seems, it seems really critical for the teacher to be able to remain calm can, um, because you've already got one person upset and for you to get upset as a teacher, isn't going to help the situation at all. Right. So, um, you know, the teacher may need to take some deep breaths and, um, Yeah, take a step back and it's like, okay, be calm. This doesn't last forever. Um, you know, that was unacceptable, but it happened and, um, you just move on from there,

Danielle Roth 12:05

but,

Dr. Charles Barr 12:06

uh, yeah, it's difficult.

Erica 12:07

Because you're right. If we

Danielle Roth 12:09

react right away, which you know, is your instinct is to protect yourself and be like, that's not what happened. This is not what your child was wrong, but then now like dr. Bar, you said, and now we're both mad. So we always, my friend that I teach with and I, we call it our cooldown time. Like we need to cool down and then we can address and listen much better versus just the reaction back that you want to give too. Sometimes the parents.

Erica 12:35

Yeah, I would.

Dr. Charles Barr 12:36

Well, and if you, if you, if you have that option of going to one of your colleagues and letting off some steam, that's very helpful because then you can get, you can get your frustration out and give yourself that, that cooled on downtime and, and then say, okay, now how do I, how do I want to, yeah,

Erica 12:56

yes. Yeah. I would also say too, sometimes people can really. Hurt our feelings, Danielle, I don't know how you handle it, but if somebody was getting mad at me, I would, it'd be really hurt. Like that would really affect me. Um, so sometimes when things really affect me, I have to remember that. Sleeping on something, something looking better in the morning is actually a real thing.

Danielle Roth 13:18

but I do need cool downtime.

Erica 13:20

Definitely. Yeah.

Danielle Roth 13:22

Yeah, we'll do

Erica 13:22

that too. Um, okay. So for our last question, how can teachers better handle the pressures of worrying if they're doing enough for their students from afar, Danielle, you kind of touched on that. Do you have anything else that you wanna like elaborate on before dr. Bark goes into?

Danielle Roth 13:40

I don't know. I think that that question we kind of. Like you said tapping on it throughout this whole time. It's just, am I doing enough? Like, and then like the Instagram community of teachers is incredible and, and I got some great ideas, but then I also look at some of them and I'm like, Oh my God, I can't do it. I can't. And then you feel like you're not enough. And so like how, how do we make sure we're doing enough and giving enough and. It's just, you know, and we feel like, I mean, we do feel like that when we're in our classrooms too, but then we're surrounded by our colleagues and I can jump to my colleague and be like, okay, my kids, aren't understanding this math lesson. Can you come teach it while I cover your class and do something else? And then now my kids have had it twice, but like through a computer screen, like, am I giving them enough? Am I, are they really going to be ready for the next grade? You know, like, That it's just a constant thing. And all of a teacher's heads is like, are we doing enough for them?

Dr. Charles Barr 14:38

question from. Yeah. From, from my standpoint, this is one of those situations where you put your own oxygen mask on before you put somebody up, uh, sort of like the airlines, you know? Okay. If the oxygen mask drops down, put yours on first and then help the person next to you. If they're having trouble and. This is, this is one of those situations where it is not going to help you as a teacher to completely burn out with worry and concern.

Danielle Roth 15:09

That's a good point.

Dr. Charles Barr 15:11

And you, you must take care of yourself and it is so easy to compare ourselves to everybody. Else's best. And, uh, you know, they're, they're showing their best and good for them if they really are that good and some really are that good, you know, you kind of go, well, all right. You know, we got the superstars, um, but we don't all have to be superstars in order to be really good teachers. And. And so, uh, that's where I'm really glad that you're on Instagram with your colleagues and, and that you're, you are comparing notes and you're talking to your other colleagues because I think that's one of the ways to help that worry. And, and I think there's a certain amount of just acknowledging that. This just is what it is. Kids going to learn as much this year as they would have had they been in my classroom. And the answer is no. It's not going to be, they're not going to be as prepared and it's okay because they'll catch you up and he'll make up. And it's like, that's it. You know, kids are very resilient. We have very resilient minds. And so when that material gets presented, In class, you know, they've, they've heard a smattering of it and then their, their brains will pick it up and take it and run with it. And so I think that that teachers can take some of that pressure off, you know, I was like, well, I don't want my fifth graders going to sixth grade and they don't have a clue what's going on. When the sixth grade teacher gets them sixth grade,

Erica 16:53

not college parents writing and like that at least.

Dr. Charles Barr 16:58

That's right. And the sixth grade teacher may have to spend two months going back over fifth grade material instead of two weeks. Um, but that's going to be universal. That's going to be across the board. You know, there aren't going to be standout. Groups of kids necessarily. Um, now if you find yourself really falling behind, uh, you know, from what your colleagues are doing, you know, and you're, it's kind of like, how are you all covering all of this material? I don't get it. Okay. You know, then I think that's where, you know, part of you putting your oxygen mask ask on is going in and talking to colleagues, getting some help, you know, getting, you know, okay, what can I do differently that I'm not doing that I can get this material out better? And I think that that just is a sign of a good teacher. You know, I was like, okay, I can see I'm not. Delivering the material that I need to be delivering. How can I get that out? And can somebody give me some ideas of how I can do that?

Erica 18:02

Probably some relaxation exercises too, when hurt. Every now and again,

Dr. Charles Barr 18:08

actually, that's a really good suggestion yourself, you know, take, take some time, let yourself relax and decompress. Cause your mind just, and um, and I mentioned this earlier, the stress goes all the way up the chain. So the principals are stressed and the superintendents are stressed and vice vice. Everything is, is stressed and, uh, They're all stressed about a little different aspect of, of what's going on, but they're all stressed because this is new for everyone. And none of us learned how to do this and, and we're educated in how to do this. So it's, it's a brand new field.

Erica 18:57

And hopefully it's not.

Dr. Charles Barr 18:58

Yes. If you'll relax and do the, do your relaxation before you go to sleep. So you get a better sleep and more restorative sleep, that will be very helpful.

Danielle Roth 19:10

All right now, but

Erica 19:11

yeah, you don't sleep when you're pregnant, but next time after the baby

Danielle Roth 19:16

comes out, I'll practice all that.

Dr. Charles Barr 19:19

Wow. Well, congratulations on your, your new little one there then.

Erica 19:24

Well I think. This was the most enlightening conversation I've had. I learned a lot. Uh, it was, it's fun to hear this. It's it's hard to hear some of this it's I feel for so many people, I'm not in the thick of it myself, but, um,

Danielle Roth 19:40

it's. Yeah.

Erica 19:42

Anytime somebody says like, I, my chiropractor, I think even is taking an extra day off work a week just because she has to do zoom. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. I just, I feel for you people I really do. It's sounds tough for everybody involved. And I really salute anyone who's giving it their best for their kids or their students.

Danielle Roth 20:01

Absolutely.

Dr. Charles Barr 20:03

These are with you. These are with you

Erica 20:07

and we encourage you to keep

Dr. Charles Barr 20:08

going. Thank you so much for joining us today. Pleasure having you here.

Danielle Roth 20:15

Thank you very much. It was fun.

Erica 20:18

All right. Well, we will be back with you guys the next time. We won't have Danielle with us, unfortunately, but it was good having her. So, um, thanks Danielle. And thanks dr. Barton, we'll be back next

Dr. Charles Barr 20:27

time. Have a good week.

Erica 20:32

All right. Well, we hope that you enjoyed these two episodes. We will be back with you next week for some incredible topics and information. Thank you for being here. Remember, you can always get our free relaxation. download@lifefreeofanxiety.com slash relax. See you next week. Thanks so much for tuning in today. I hope that something in today's conversation provided you with a feeling of hope, determination, or purpose. I know what you're going through, and that's why I want to give you some of the tools that helped me in my anxiety journey to get a free copy of free from fears head to freefromfearsbook.com to find out more about the CHAANGE anxiety treatment program. Find us at CHAANGE.com Thanks again for listening. And remember you are not broken You are not alone and you are on your way to living a life free of anxiety. See you next week.