Erica 0:47

welcome to the life free of anxiety podcast, where each week we'll bring you another discussion to help you on your way to overcoming your fears. I'm Erica and together with dr. Charles Barr, a licensed clinical psychologist, specializing in anxiety. We'll be your guides on this journey to find a list of helpful free resources we offer head to lifefreeofanxiety.com Because you are not broken, you are not alone. And you are on your way to living a life free of anxiety. Well, hello. We are back, uh, as in we Erica and dr. BARR, and we are sharing how to get to your destination this holiday season. Well, mostly dr. BARR will be sharing it because, well, he's the doctor. So, um, dr. BARR, thanks for being here as always.

Dr. Charles Barr 2:48

Well, it's good to be here and it's good to have our listeners back. Um, and we wish all of you a happy holidays. And, um, we want to see if we can give you some tips on how you can get to your destinations, those of you who are traveling. Um, first of all, I would say the first tip is try to make a plan of how you're going to get there. Um, if you're, if you're going by car, Plan how long it's going to take no, the route. No. Uh, what you're going to take with you now, this may be a, you're just taking a Castro and you're going to your aunt or uncle's house, uh, 40 miles away, but that 40 miles away on a holiday may take you an hour and a half. So I really want you to plan on, okay. How long realistically is it going to take with traffic and that kind of thing?

Erica 3:46

What kinds of people might be dealing with worrying about how to get there in a car? Because some people might be listening and say, are saying, what's wrong with getting there in a car?

Dr. Charles Barr 3:58

Well, uh, some of our anxiety folks have trouble in cars. Um, they have maybe have trouble driving or they may have trouble having some, being in a car when someone else is driving or they may have, uh, The destination that they're going to may be out of their, what we call a safe zone, um, so that, uh, they could travel easily within, uh, their safe zone. But if they're out of the safe zone, then that kicks up their anxiety. And, and so then they start getting very anxious because they're going to be traveling outside their safe zone.

Erica 4:34

Okay. So panicky feelings on the car ride there, whether they're driving or someone else is driving. That's

Dr. Charles Barr 4:41

right. Okay. Um, and so part of their fear may be the fear of having a panic attack while they're on the way or after they arrive. Let's talk in general about, okay. If you're going to be traveling, I want you to have a plan because a plan can be very helpful. Um, I want you to plan, who's going with you. Uh, how are you going to get there? You know, are you taking a car full of kids or are you just taking a you and your, your partner, uh, who who's going with you, who's going to be in the travel process with you. It's very different if you're going by yourself than if you're going with, uh, You and three kids, because then you have to, you have to make plans for, okay, what are you going to do with the three kids? Are they going to try travel as well? So they don't drive you crazy and make you nervous and upset the applecart, uh, that all has to go into the planning. I also want to say, uh, travel has lots of positive benefits. Uh, so there, there are lots of things that, that are good about travel. We know that travel can be extremely positive. Uh, it creates new and novel situations, which, uh, really protects our brain health. Um, we see new things where we're exposed to different, um, Cultural things and, and social things. Then we're used to, a lot of the times, um, we make connections with people and we renew friendships. We, we, it just has all kinds of, of, um, positive benefits, but not if you're frightened all the time. And you're. You're fearful all the time and you're anxious all the time, or you're worried all the time. Then, then travel turns into a nightmare, not into a positive experience. Yeah and

Erica 6:39

something you'd probably rather just, you know, at that, at that rate, just be, you'd rather be sitting on your couch or, and you might not even rather be sitting on your couch. You might honestly want to be where you're headed to see your mom or see your dad or something like that. But it just feels so much safer to stay home or, you know, yeah. There could still be a strong desire, however, to be, you know, to

Dr. Charles Barr 7:03

just get through. It's not that you would rather be at home, you'd rather be out doing what everyone else seems to be enjoying doing. Um, and you're feeling you're sitting there feeling desirous to do that also, but you just can't get yourself to do it. Um, or at least you're, maybe you're feeling terribly anxious while you're doing it. Um, and it robs you of, of some of the joy.

Erica 7:32

Yeah. Okay. So we've got a

Dr. Charles Barr 7:34

plan that then you take your plan and then you say this is not going to work exactly the way I have it planned. Okay.

Erica 7:45

So we set ourself up for

Dr. Charles Barr 7:46

imperfection. Absolutely. You build in, um, the, the fact that this can not be perfect. It's not going to go this way and I'm going to roll with the punches. Okay, because there will be punches. Yeah. Okay. If you're in a car, there's going to be traffic delays. If you're flying, then there's going to be delays at the airport or there's going to be a wintery weather that you experience on the other side. Um, it's it's, uh, flying can be daunting at the holidays, uh, to say the least, because it's so crowded and there's so many people, so you, you, I want, I want our people to expect the unexpected and when the unexpected happens, then it's kind of like, Oh, well I knew this might happen. So here it is. Yeah, that's right. And so, One of the, one of the positive ways to turn that, because what we tell ourselves about these delays is, uh, an important thing is that this is a new adventure. It's like, Oh, well, our flight is delayed. Well, we knew that might happen because there was a snow storm in Chicago and we're going through Chicago or whatever. Uh, so we knew that might happen. So where else might we go? So there's a new adventure. It's like, Oh, this is an opportunity for a new adventure. Uh, so that's part of the new and novel instead of the tragic.

Erica 9:25

Yeah. I just want to say too, I remember one time and gosh, I can't even remember what I was gonna do, but I told you about it because dr. BARR was my therapist for a couple of years. Um, I think, I don't remember what it was, but I remember telling you I have to do this and I don't want to I'm freaked out about it and whatever. And you said, um, You said when you go to do it, just to know that. Eerie things are gonna come out of nowhere in your kind of like in basically in my head. Um, and, and try to gear up, grab your attention to freak you out or stress you out. But once you see them, you can kind of acknowledge them and, and then, you know, There they are and Oh, okay. I knew that was coming. And I just, I remember that working so well for me because whatever situation it was, I don't remember what anymore. Um, it did happen where the eerie things came and I said, Oh, that's the, that's the thing, you know? Right. When I'm about to do what I want to do, this is expected to pop up. So there it is. Okay. Hi. And, and then it wasn't, you know, flooding me with, Oh my gosh. It was, Oh yeah. I knew you were coming. Which was so much better for an anxious person to have as an anxious person. We love control. So to be able to say, I knew that was going to happen is so freeing sometimes.

Dr. Charles Barr 10:50

Well, it, it really is. It's that ability to predict you see if, if as an anxious person, you predict that you're going to have a perfect trip and you're not going to feel any anxiety on this trip. That's not realistic. Yeah. You probably are going to feel some anxiety on the trip. Right. So what, so what, uh, so, so we can, we can have you plan to do something different with that anxiety when it shows up, not if it shows up, but when it shows up, right? So that you have that predictive ability, um, that can be very, very helpful.

Erica 11:25

Yes. And that's the thing you always say is, so what, that's just a scary thought. I know that's what you always told me when those things come up. So what, it's just a scary thought. Oh, I was just a scary thought. I see.

Dr. Charles Barr 11:37

I don't need to do that to myself now. I encouraged you and I encourage all my people to use that phrase frequently. So what, that's just a scary thought. I don't need to do that to myself. If I say so what to you, you're going to be really mad at

Erica 11:54

me.

Dr. Charles Barr 11:58

Exactly. Right. You're discounting my feelings. You're discounting my experience. Uh, what do you know anyway, but if you say it to yourself in a smart Ellie kind of way, you're saying so what to the anxiety to that scary thought. And, and so that becomes a very powerful little, little, uh, Modification in, in what you're modifying, how you're modifying your thoughts. Well, now there's some other things that I wanted to address in terms of, particularly in terms of air travel, air travel can be scary. So one of the things is I want you to allow lots of time. If you think you need to be there two hours before at an hour, um, I would much rather use spin, uh, An hour or 30 minutes sitting at the airport relaxing than sitting on some freeway, stewing and being all anxious. So allow extra time because everything's going to take more time than you think. And if it doesn't well good for you, you know, that that was really good. And you get some bonus time just to relax and read or, um, Play a favorite game or, um, watch people, whatever would help you pass the time,

Erica 13:17

visiting an airport ahead of time. I've heard to do that too, to familiarize yourself. If this is going to be something that's stressful, uh, getting on the plane for the first time, maybe in a while, or how do you feel about visiting the airport in itself? Which I know was security. Isn't always, the easiest thing to do is just walk around an airport, but yeah. Um,

Dr. Charles Barr 13:36

actually with security, it's almost impossible. Now you, you can, you can go and drive around the airport. You can see where the airport is. You can actually walk in, you can go to the ticket counters. You can actually walk up to where the TSA is, but that's as far as you can go. But that, that actually is a good. Uh, a good experience and good, uh, desensitization to do is to go and familiarize yourself with what's the layout of the airport. This is where I'm going to be. Here's the gate that I'm going to, or the airline that I'm going to be flying with, you know, here's where I'll drop off my bags and that kind of thing, so that you are familiar with that. Okay, good. Um, It's it's also, um, very important and powerful for you to actually think through every step that you're going to be doing in that day. So, um, let's say, okay, you're going to be flying. Um, I want you to think about the day before. Okay. What do I need to do the day before I need to pack? I need to get these things together and, and it's very helpful if you'll make a list of things that you need to pack. Um, That kind of thing, or maybe even

Erica 15:00

something that's going to distract you on the plane. If you have some fear, like your magazines and you know, your, your relaxation pack that might come with you

Dr. Charles Barr 15:10

or your, well, okay. Now you're talking about a relaxation pack and, and, uh, distraction items. And, uh, those are very important to have. Um, I w I want you to take magazines or books. If you feel like you can concentrate enough to read, I want you to take a phone or an iPad or a laptop or something where you can play electronic games if you'd like to do that. Um, and I want you to do the things that you find relaxing. Um, maybe it's to download a movie first, uh, before you go so that you can watch a favorite movie, or if you have a favorite funny movie. Uh, that would be a movie that I would suggest you take because laughter can, can go a long way toward helping you relax as well. So if you have a favorite funny movie, um, and you download that and take that and watch it, then that can be very helpful because it, it gets you in a different space. It's a movie, you know, it's a, it's a movie you enjoy. Uh, it's easy for you to get into. And, um, That can be very, very helpful.

Erica 16:18

Yeah. I know magazines were huge for me on an airplane trips in the past, just because the pictures just kept coming as I, you know, flip the pages. Okay. That's interesting to look at and I had to think very little about it. It's just something to look down at it. Oh, okay. That interests me. Oh, that's interesting. Or that celebrity went there. Oh, look, they fly. They fly all the time. See, there's nothing to you. I would think stuff like that. Look they're in New York. And then on the next magazine, look there in Japan, they had, they take a flight.

Dr. Charles Barr 16:47

So, so that gives you confidence.

Erica 16:50

It's a silly thing.

Dr. Charles Barr 16:52

Well, it's not necessarily a silly thing. Um, it it's, it's a confidence booster. It's like, well, okay, they did it, then I can do it too. Uh, and, and that's true, they did it. And you can too.

Erica 18:10

Thanks so much for tuning in today. I hope that something in today's conversation provided you with a feeling of hope, determination, or purpose. I know what you're going through, and that's why I want to give you some of the tools that helped me in my anxiety journey to get a free copy of free from fears head to freefromfearsbook.com to find out more about the CHAANGE anxiety treatment program. Find us at CHAANGE.com Thanks again for listening. And remember you are not broken You are not alone and you are on your way to living a life free of anxiety. See you next week.